Delay
Wayne did not come home today as planned. The swallowing test showed that his ability to swallow is not gone, but is going. He also forgets to swallow. We have been having to remind him to chew and swallow for a while now. When we remind him to chew, for example, it takes him a few seconds to remember what that means.
They are going to put a feeding tube in tomorrow. When he is alert enough, we can still feed him soft foods, but with the tube we will be sure that he is getting all the nutrients he needs. We can also give him his medicines through the tube. He is really having trouble swallowing medicines, and we were going to have to give them by IV, so the feeding tube will make that easier, I think.
The process of putting in the tube is about 20 minutes, so not a big ordeal. When it is in, we can bring him home.
He has flashes and periods of lucidity, but even then, he is very weak. He can often not speak above a whisper. We use every clear moment for conversation and treasure each. Being in his home helps keep him more oriented. Can't wait to get him here.
Another interesting thing I have just learned: a couple of weeks before his diagnosis, he had a pacemaker put in. He was having a very slow heartbeat and going as much as 9 seconds without a beat at all sometimes. It was the brain swelling that caused the slow heartbeat. Again, the brain is the Big Boss and runs everything!
I still think that he could rally again. I know it won't last long, but he could still come back to himself again. We might get past this hump and have a few more months. Who knows! Hospice does not necessarily mean that a person is taking his last breaths.
But whatever, whenever, however... we are prepared in every way for what each moment brings. At any given moment, there are things that can bring despair and there are things that can bring joy. We choose joy.
Sometimes I feel overwhelmed and like I'm drowning. Sometimes grief sneaks up on me and threatens to choke me. Sometimes I look at my darling sons, so patiently and gently and lovingly caring for their dad, and I can hardly stand it. Sometimes I look at my husband, who has always been in charge and opinionated, and is now nearly as helpless as a baby, and I am stunned by sorrow. But mostly I'm OK. Most of my moments are defined by the presence of Christ and His power and provision. I take my bad moments for what they are. I sob and and feel sorry for myself. Then the peace that passes understanding takes over again and stands guard over my heart and mind. The strength that comes from Another picks me up and sets my feet back on solid ground. At the Dean house, we are OK. Your prayers for healing are producing the daily miracle of steadiness in the storm.
My friend Joanne Stokes has a blessing she pronounces over me sometimes. It goes like this: "God all over you!" That's how I feel. God is all over everything about this. I have so much confidence that we are carried by the prayers of God's people that it makes the decisions I make daily easier and the load I carry light.
It reminds me of when we put Wayne in his sling and carry him from place to place. He is weak, but we are strong. We do all the work for him while he rests in his body-sling. Your prayers are providing a sling for us. We have a lot to do-- physically, emotionally, spiritually, financially. But we just rest in the sling and are carried by your prayers. We are weak, but He is strong.
Oops! I have rambled on!
Day by day.
They are going to put a feeding tube in tomorrow. When he is alert enough, we can still feed him soft foods, but with the tube we will be sure that he is getting all the nutrients he needs. We can also give him his medicines through the tube. He is really having trouble swallowing medicines, and we were going to have to give them by IV, so the feeding tube will make that easier, I think.
The process of putting in the tube is about 20 minutes, so not a big ordeal. When it is in, we can bring him home.
He has flashes and periods of lucidity, but even then, he is very weak. He can often not speak above a whisper. We use every clear moment for conversation and treasure each. Being in his home helps keep him more oriented. Can't wait to get him here.
Another interesting thing I have just learned: a couple of weeks before his diagnosis, he had a pacemaker put in. He was having a very slow heartbeat and going as much as 9 seconds without a beat at all sometimes. It was the brain swelling that caused the slow heartbeat. Again, the brain is the Big Boss and runs everything!
I still think that he could rally again. I know it won't last long, but he could still come back to himself again. We might get past this hump and have a few more months. Who knows! Hospice does not necessarily mean that a person is taking his last breaths.
But whatever, whenever, however... we are prepared in every way for what each moment brings. At any given moment, there are things that can bring despair and there are things that can bring joy. We choose joy.
Sometimes I feel overwhelmed and like I'm drowning. Sometimes grief sneaks up on me and threatens to choke me. Sometimes I look at my darling sons, so patiently and gently and lovingly caring for their dad, and I can hardly stand it. Sometimes I look at my husband, who has always been in charge and opinionated, and is now nearly as helpless as a baby, and I am stunned by sorrow. But mostly I'm OK. Most of my moments are defined by the presence of Christ and His power and provision. I take my bad moments for what they are. I sob and and feel sorry for myself. Then the peace that passes understanding takes over again and stands guard over my heart and mind. The strength that comes from Another picks me up and sets my feet back on solid ground. At the Dean house, we are OK. Your prayers for healing are producing the daily miracle of steadiness in the storm.
My friend Joanne Stokes has a blessing she pronounces over me sometimes. It goes like this: "God all over you!" That's how I feel. God is all over everything about this. I have so much confidence that we are carried by the prayers of God's people that it makes the decisions I make daily easier and the load I carry light.
It reminds me of when we put Wayne in his sling and carry him from place to place. He is weak, but we are strong. We do all the work for him while he rests in his body-sling. Your prayers are providing a sling for us. We have a lot to do-- physically, emotionally, spiritually, financially. But we just rest in the sling and are carried by your prayers. We are weak, but He is strong.
Oops! I have rambled on!
Day by day.
posted by Jennifer Kennedy Dean at 4:29 PM
7 Comments:
Mrs. Dean
You don't know me. My name is Katie and my mom went to the Conference you did in Hallsville MO. She told me all about it and she told me about your husband. I have been reading your updates- it feels like I am spying - I hope you don't mind. But I wanted to tell you that you and your husband have really challenged me. I am a very young wife and your story has challenged me to learn to love my husband better. I appreicate your openness. My prayers are with you.Thank you for showing us younger women how to love our husbands and our Lord.
Hi, Mrs. Dean--
I was in the crowd at Country & Town earlier this month, and I've been praying for you and your family, and checking this site regularly. I just wanted you to know that. I'm asking God to give you some moments of unexpected joy as you live day by day. I'm asking Him to give you more of Himself. Thanks for your candidness and willingness to share your journey.
Keep rambling, my dear Christian sister - you bring God real to us. Having known your sons, and Wayne through their acquaintance, I'm so sorry that my path and yours have never crossed. You are never far from my thoughts and prayers. God bless. D. Butler
Jennifer,
I had the privilege of getting to know you at the Imagine Conference in Sacramento and was your "Timothy" one year. I just want you to know that I am praying for you and your family. My son had cancer and I know a little of what you are going through. Remember Proverbs 3:5,6 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, but in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your path." You are a very special sister and my small group is also praying for you. We have been studying one of your books together and have learned so much. May you and your family experience God's special grace for such a time as this. Sherry Jerue
Jennifer, thank you for rambling on if that is what you did. As I study Fueled by Faith for our March retreat and this a.m. for the Mind of Christ, I see Jesus. You have us talking all the time about Jesus, trusting Him and not the circumstances. My prayer this morning as you are so in my prayers is that Jesus speak the words over you that will bring healing. The Words that only He can be trusted with...you don't walk alone my friend...love faye
Your mention of "God all over you" made me think of a favorite quote from AW Tozer on God's Omnipresence. It is my prayer for all of you today:
"God is over all things; under all things; outside all; within but not enclosed; without but not excluded; above but not raised up; below but not depressed; wholly above, presiding; wholly beneath, sustaining; wholly within, filling." May He be all over the Dean Family today - presiding, sustaining, and filling.
Jane Currin
Good Morning,Deans. We awakened as usual this morning in Newnan, Ga. Built a fire,fixed strong coffee and sat down with the Lord for communion with Him. You all are so much a part of our morning. We pray consistently for you. We read the posts with love and tenderness. We are with you.
In His Name,
Jan and Ernest Taylor
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