December 12
Nothing new with Wayne's condition. He grows weaker each day. He no longer looks like the handsome and virile man he once was, but his new look has become dear to us. His face is sunken and sallow and waxy, but it looks beautiful to me.
Thank you for the many birthday wishes yesterday. It was a hard day for me. Last year Wayne gave me an unexpected and extravagant (for us) gift. A ring. It had a particular meaning to us... one only we two understand. In one of our conversations during this time of his illness, he told me that shopping for my ring, knowing I would be so surprised, was one of the most fun memories of last Christmas season. I wore "our" ring as I held his hand early yesterday morning. Yesterday was my hardest day. Thank you for the prayers that carried me through it.
We have all given Wayne permission to let go. We have told him that we will be OK. He knows. No hurry. If he were in pain, there would be a certain urgency about it, I think. Indeed, his body has become a prison of sorts and I will rejoice for him when he is freed from it. But until then, each breath is precious. We will count a few more days as a gift.
Thank you for the many birthday wishes yesterday. It was a hard day for me. Last year Wayne gave me an unexpected and extravagant (for us) gift. A ring. It had a particular meaning to us... one only we two understand. In one of our conversations during this time of his illness, he told me that shopping for my ring, knowing I would be so surprised, was one of the most fun memories of last Christmas season. I wore "our" ring as I held his hand early yesterday morning. Yesterday was my hardest day. Thank you for the prayers that carried me through it.
We have all given Wayne permission to let go. We have told him that we will be OK. He knows. No hurry. If he were in pain, there would be a certain urgency about it, I think. Indeed, his body has become a prison of sorts and I will rejoice for him when he is freed from it. But until then, each breath is precious. We will count a few more days as a gift.
posted by Jennifer Kennedy Dean at 6:56 AM
24 Comments:
Sorry I missed the birthday!! I didn't realize yours was 2 days after Jo Claire's -- or have I just forgotten in my older years.
Love you and continue to pray.
Delores
I'm sorry I didn't know yesterday was your birthday - but I thank God for your birth. From time before any of us can know, He had the words for you to type here that have been such a blessing to so many. Your words of love for Wayne endear us to you, and to him. Your faith gives us courage to continue to love our own more deeply and fully. Thank you, also, for admitting your own limitations, your times of difficulty, your human frailty. May God continue to bless you and the boys and may He bring to each of them a wife who will bring them honor the way you have for Wayne. No man deserves less. Our prayers are with you. D. Butler
Jennifer,
Thank you for sharing your beautiful memories with us. You are such an inspiration and an encouragement. I continue to pray for you, Wayne, and your sons. I hope that you continue to feel the warmth of God's love during this very trying time.
Tonya
Thank you for sharing. Somehow today God let my heart feel your pain and I cried and cried. I pray for you as God brings you to mind. You came to our church for Prayer Force and that has impacted my life for eternity. May the Prince of Peace be with you through this time. I will continue to pray for you and your family.
Debbie
12/12/05
Oh, my Jennifer, I hurt that you have hard days and that yesterday was bittersweet for you. I guess it's good that God doesn't give us the ability to see what tomorrow will bring - that way we can live for today only. We might never move forward to tomorrow if we knew the troubles it might bring.
Again, day by day and minute by minute, we sit with you and the boys in spirit and with so much love.
Jeanne & Dale
Many are my prayers for you today. It is encouraging to know that even after the hardest day, His faithfulness remains:
Isaiah 40:29
He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak
Lamentations 3:19-26
19 I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall.
20 I well remember them, and my soul is downcast within me.
21 Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope:
22 Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.
23 They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
24 I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him."
25 The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him;
26 it is good to wait quietly
for the salvation of the LORD
Nehemiah 8;10
This day is sacred to our Lord. Do not grieve, for the joy of the LORD is your strength.
Praying for His amazing strength and joy today.
Jane
Jennifer and the Boys, I just wanted to let you all know that it has been a blessing for me to see the lives that have been changed because of this website. It stinks that it has to be something as serious as this to grab people's attention and realize that they can't live on thier own. Many of my friends and family have been touched by all of this, including myself also. Thank you for everything. We will all continue praying for God's will to be done. God Bless
-Danny Malone
What a beautiful memory you will always cherish. God knows the number of our days, and what impact each decision we make in our every day lives will have for eternity. Wayne did not know that last year when he chose that ring that it would be the last Christmas gift he would buy for you. When shopping for my gifts this year, I will not grumble or complain about not knowing what to buy for each person. I will ask God to guide me to the perfect gift, for it may be the last gift I am priviledged to give them. Thank you for your transparency, and for allowing a world full of bystanders to feel your pain and learn from it. God will carry you, this I know to be true.
How tender that Wayne looks so beautiful to you. To the world, when one is not "useful", they are expendable. But to those who are in Christ, every breath is His from the beginning and will cease only by the power of His Word. Wayne's earthly tent will not suit Him in Heaven, but for reasons known only to Our heavenly Father, it still fits him here...for now...for a time. I thought of you, Jennifer, as I heard on the news that the number one word that people inquired about on Webster's online dictionary for this year, is INTEGRITY. I thought how you and your sons are honoring Wayne with not only the integrity of your sweet presence, but with dignity and respect, fitting for a man that has been both husband and father and child of the King. Thank you for modeling how a Christian wife loves, and thank you, Wayne, for modeling how a Christian man dies and returns HOME.
Jane:
The story of you and your family and how you all are facing Wayne's GBM is awesome to me. So encouraging and comforting. I have been praying for you daily since learning of your story. I am also the wife of a GBM patient. Thank you for sharing your walk with us; it is a blessing to me. God bless you and Wayne and your boys.
It is bedtime in Kuwait but rest assured I won't close my eyes until I've spent time interceding on your behalves! To think....we are thousands of miles apart and yet I feel like I am right next to each of you!
Your updates have helped me to remember that our days are numbered and I need to be more loving, submissive and loyal to my husband. The recollection you shared about your special ring has touched me deeply. You and Wayne inspire me to be the best that I can be in my marriage, friendships and with Him who created me. I will check back with you when morning beckons..... God willing! Love & prayers,
Your prayer warrior in the desert!
Sheryll Mairza
Dear Jennifer & Boys,
We know that God is carrying & sup-porting you.My mother,a staunch Dutch Calvinist,was not prone to emotionalism, yet she told us of feeling God's loving arms tightly holding her when she was in the depths of her stroke induced coma. I think that God may well be comforting Wayne with his strong loving arms, & I believe they are also holding you.Dt.33:27&Is.40:11
Love & prayers. Bill Faber Family
We had no idea your birthday was yesterday Jennifer. Those "significant" days somehow are the most difficult times for us as we go through what you are going through and they continue to be, and then comes "bittersweet" as we have wonderful memories of our loved ones. Blessings on you as you continue to be strong in the Lord!
Our love,
Janice & O.V.
It is amazing how much I look forward to your daily news! What a blessing you are to all of us.
We are still praying.
When we planned for you to speak at our Women's Conference the last week of October, we called it "Shower the Generations with a Legacy of Prayer". We had no way of knowing we would actually watch the title play out. We had no way of knowing it would be the week after of Wayne's surgery. Of course God wasn't surprised - he knew all along. And we had no way of knowing that almost 2 months later we would still be so entwined in your life! I can't tell you how many women from that conference are keeping up with you and your family on the daily blog. You continue to influence and teach us through your daily life. What a legacy Wayne is leaving! What a legacy your love for each other is! I especially am moved by the blogs written by your boys. In them, we see the depth of the relationship between a child and a dad who lived a praying life. Thank you. We continue to pray for you!
Julie Reichert
Hallsville Baptist Church
Dean Family,
My thoughts and prayers continue to be with you all.
God Bless
Tatum Twyman
What a provision God has given in "the body of Christ" who lines up to stand in prayer, hold hands, encircling, to "stand in the gap" from all over, for brothers and sisters in Christ. May you all be refreshed, even in the midst of this difficult time as He has and continues to use all of you to refresh/bless us.
With love and prayers,
Kay Walker
we keep on praying for you and your family. yesterday must of been especially hard. well we won't stop praying for yo guys. GOD BLESS YOU.
Samantha Maloney, a 12 year old from blue springs MO
Jennifer and boys,
Once when a friend was going through a hard time, she said she felt God's loving presence with her always and - just when she needed it most - He would send someone with "skin on" to hold her and comfort her. It is my prayer for all of you that, as God is holding Wayne in His loving embrace, He will send you lots of people with "skin on" to express His love for you in a tangible way.
Love and Prayers,
Debbie
Ft. Smith, AR
Hi Jennifer:
I have tried to follow your updates, but my computer has been down. My birthday is Dec. 11, 1943. I am exactly one decade older than you. I am honored to share a birthday with you. If I could have linked up on the web, I would have wished you a Blessed Birthday. Now it is belated but just as heartfelt.
My favorite birthday card read on the outside: "Do your boobs hang low, do they wobble to and fro?" The inside said: "That song isn't as funny as it used to be, is it?" I got a hearty laugh out of it, and so did a lot of my good and special Christian friends. God gives us such freedom to laugh at ourselves.
Not many could claim to be blessed in your situation. I am so awed by God's mercy and grace in our lives and the capacity for sadness and blessedness at the same time. Your family is such an example of how a praying family radiates God's love to each other and to the rest of the world. He is and will continue to change lives through your witness and your writings and insight.
Our women's Bible study is finishing Chapter 13 next week of "Live a Praying Life." It has changed so many lives, we are doing another in January.
We continue to pray for you and Wayne and your boys.
In His Love,
Charlene Hodge
One more morning has arrived in Kuwait as I immediately check on you..... Each day IS a gift....hallelujiah! As I drove my daughter, Aliya to school this morning we stood in agreement in prayer that the Lord would blanket each of your hearts with a peace and love that surpasses all understanding. I leave you with this encouragement dear family ~ "But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall not run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint". Isaiah 40:31 I will continue to pray.....
Your desert prayer warrior,
Sheryll Mairza
sheryll105@hotmail.com
Dear one,
From Streams in the Desert, Dec. 12:
"I am already being poured out like a drink offering, and the time has come for my departure. I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith." --2 Tim. 4:6-7
I was touched when I realized that it was your birthday...and you gave Wayne the gift of release.
Blessings and love,
Janet Mc
My thoughts and prayers along with my families are with you and your family everyday.
Much love - Kaitlin Gants
Jennifer,
Thank you for providing the opportunity to "visit" with your family each day. My heart is weighted with prayers for you throughout the day. You are teaching and encouraging so many of us.
"The Lord will fight for you, and you shall hold your peace." Exodus 14:14
Downingtown,PA
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